Before I get going with my thoughts today, wanted to remind you that we will be discussing support for your journey towards Attuned Eating on Tues, Jan 10th at 8pm eastern. It is a free call and I hope you come with your questions about living more freely and about the program, Attuned Eating for Attuned Living.
Call in details are here:
- Call your Dial-In Number: (712) 451-0211
- Enter your Access Code: 152182.
- https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/tracybrownrd/#/ for international numbers
We will also have calls on Jan 17 and 24th, 8pm eastern. Same call in numbers.
So last week, I was walking through this outdoor shopping and restaurant area, headed to meet my husband for a movie. And it happened.
I could see it coming from a ten feet away. I made eye contact with a woman and she started looking me up and down, assessing whatever she was assessing about my appearance. Now I am not a mind reader but I can read peope’s emotions and hers were not warm and snuggly.
It all seemed to happen in slow motion. Me making eye contact, watching her scan my appearance and then meet my gaze. I made a quick decision to smile at her because as aware of it as I was, I still didn’t have a second to fully process the scene with all the felt emotions.
SAD: hello lady, human being here. I am not a body to value judge as better or worse than yours.
MAD: WTH, do you think I don’t see what you are doing? RUDE!
COMPASSION: Of course this is what happens in a culture that assigns value to appearance. Thin/fat, dressed a certain way versus not, make-up vs not, young vs old,etc….
Of course in a culture where adults speak out loud in front of children about how so and so lost weight, looks old, looks good, these children grow, internalizing and parroting these values. Children don’t always know context, but they do feel the emotion that comes with the statements. Or maybe they don’t hear it at home, but are not taught to reject the value judgment of someone’s appearance that they will face in the world.
I write all this as much for you and for me. I am determined to give my daughter tools to nagivate this world that might judge her if she doesn’t want to wear make-up to an occasion or whatever the current body oriented status symbol is.
Not that wearing make-up is a bad thing. I just want her to know in her bones that it doens’t mean anything about her worth. Because being judged based on your weight or how you closely you match what adverstising has told you you need to be/wear/look/do to be desireable hurts and without tools and support, it is easy to see what people clamor to jump on board the newest purposed way to lose weight. Who wants to be stigmatized or judged?
The point of sharing this with you is for you to know that it is possible that people might judge your body, no matter how you look. However, our edge of growth here is learning that if that happens, it does not diminish who you or your worth. See it for what it is: others projections. Not your problem.