There comes a point in our recovery when we re-consider the cost of choosing to intuitive eat instead of diet. We reconsider the journey and make the choice of going deeper in recovery. Let’s talk about what going deeper looks like.
Knowing the Cost of Recovery
When we are evaluating which system (diet culture or true freedom with intuitive eating) there is a cost we must consider.
There is a cost to being a part of diet culture. There is striving and obsession. Hard work that leads to more hard work just needing to keep up. (Now don’t get me wrong, intuitive eating is hard work too, but it’s work that begets peace and freedom in your life).
There is also a cost to intuitive eating. We have to die to what culture tells us is the ‘normal path’. We have to let go of the idea that we’re flawed and needing to be changed. Relationships may need to shift and it does require work and pursuit on our end but know that you’re worth it.
Considering the cost isn’t just a one time deal and then you move on. Chances are you’ll reevaluate that cost many times over the course of your journey.
But at some point, we consider the cost of moving beyond simply reading the books and listening to the podcast and choose to go deeper into recovery.
What does going deeper in recovery look like and how do we get there?
Finding Safe Enough Connection(s)
Because eating disorders are so rooted in rejection, the probability is low of someone having an eating disorder that also has connection, love, security and worth or significance with another human. (Of course there are always exceptions.)
We are often quite quick to focus on the negative portions of ourselves and our lives. Maybe what we need is a safe enough person(s) to help us reorient ourselves towards the positive things more often. I promise they are there.
Here is an idea for you to consider : think of those in your life, whether friends, family members or counselors that you would consider ‘safe enough’ (notice I didn’t say perfect) that you could consistently rely on for connection and safety and who will accept you and walk with you on your journey of recovery.
Cultivating an Internal Sense of Self
Without an internal sense of self, when rejection comes, we’re more likely to enter into a negative thought cycle which will lead to rejection.
With an internal sense of self, even if someone doesn’t affirm us or we experience some amount of rejection, we don’t automatically feel that we need to change ourselves because we’re flawed as a person (often through manipulating our bodies in ways they were never meant to be).
Idea : Identify the parts of yourself that do the rejecting or reach for perfectionism (if you need help in identifying these parts, lean into those safe enough connections or reach out to me and my team). Rejecting and perfectionism are strategies we adopt (most likely in childhood) to be able to cope with not knowing what we need or need and not feeling safe enough in that pursuit to ask.
Ask yourself what those pieces of yourself are and what they were needing and what they didn’t receive. Using here and now time, think about how you could go about getting those needs met now.
Here is some great news…you can become untriggerable.
Does that sound too good to be true?
AND…have you considered that it’s actually okay to still have feelings about a person’s reaction towards us that feels negative and you can have those feelings without them becoming a threat?
That is honestly the goal of myself and my team in our practice. We want you to become untriggerable. You can get out of the loop we often find ourselves in of experiencing rejection and becoming triggered.
The reality is the world is still going to do what it’s going to do.
When we stop trying to figure out how to change the way the world thinks, the question then becomes, how do I live in the world and not be triggered by it.
I believe all three of these principles or ideas work together. When we have connection, worth and significance with another human and we work on identifying parts of ourselves that have been suppressed, we cultivate an internal sense of self which then leads us to the place of becoming untriggerable.
There can be an end. An end to responding with a threat response when there is change.
Check out these videos below as complementary content to this blog post :
P.S. I wanted to share this resource for those wanting to help their loved one with disordered eating. No more begging, arguing or not knowing how to have an impactful conversation: https://www.mentalhealthfoundations.ca/caregiverworkshops