One of the reasons my eating disorder became a protection for me is that I didn’t know any way around or
didn’t believe I had a choice in terms of cultural attitude. I didn’t want to be an object for men (boys at the time) to desire me. I wanted to be loved and appreciated, not consumed.
Since that didn’t seem to be an option, I took myself out of the game totally, numbing out my desire for
connection by starving myself. I didn’t want any attention. I wanted to have no needs. It was a big FU to the world-
I decided I didn’t need or want the way the world wanted me to be so I said NO to it all. Sadly I almost
extinguished my own flame in the process.
When I discovered intuitive eating and body acceptance, I realized there were choices. I could like who I was
and therefore attract more people like me that appreciated other things besides popular media.
I am not saying inherently that watching the Kardashians, pining after the super model look or wanting anything that is culturally popular makes you shallow. It’s that believing that getting love or acceptance through these
ways of being is your only way to love and acceptance is the falsehood. You can like watching E! but not believe you need to look like everyone to be attractive All that matters is that you accept yourself and you will attract what is best for you. And for more about the
issue of being physically attractive check out Ragen Chastain’s post discussing how culture tries to get us to
decide how we should be “it’s” version of attractive.
I don’t bow at the alter of science, fashion, “fitness”, entertainment or the beliefs of anyone really; I just do my best to listen to the simple, quiet voices within me for guidance. I enjoy what the world has to offer with what
resonates with me, not taking much of it seriously. That might make it a little harder to relate with EVEYERONE, but having everyone think I AM OKAY is not necessary anymore.
In food terms, this means, paying attention to science, keeping in mind that that most things that science once
said were fact are no longer so. That there only are a few circumstances that seem still remain intact: we need water, rest, all bodies like to move but each person is different. That coming to our tables with appreciation and openness for receiving the nurturance of food reinforces our inherent needs and ability for them to be satisfied. And fruit and vegetables seem to be good for us, for most people, unless they aren’t.
And you get to decide if you go on a diet and how that may or may not limit or impact the rest of your life. You certainly won’t be judged by me if you don’t let go of dieting or thinking that losing weight will make you like yourself. I just want you to know that there are many ways to find the ease and acceptance you have been desiring.
I love this topic. If you want to share what you have discovered about what the desire to diet is about for you or want a place to talk about what you are hungering for when your body is full of food but you want more, here is the place to do it.
As always, peaceful eating!
Tracy
