I think that is one of the hardest parts of breaking free from dieting and disordered eating is letting go. Letting go of the distortion that if you gain weight, you will lose control. I know you might believe that controlling your weight is how you control your feelings, how people perceive you or how you create certainty. However, if you would allow yourself to surrender to the idea that using your body and food is creating a limited life and sense of control, you could make room for a life that maybe you can only imagine.
If we could surrender to the idea that there is genetic diversity and that you do not have a wrong body or body type, we could improve health by way of loving the body we have versus waiting for a smaller body to consistently listen to our body's needs.
And even if you are struggling with behaviors that you prefer to let go of (binging, puring, etc), know that by acknowledging the presence of it, bringing non judgement and care to the situation, you surrender the shame of the behavior over to understanding. Understanding then gives you choice.
Surrender to what is out of your control can feel like a death. It is actually a beginning.
Whatever you need to change, know that you are not alone. Leave in the comments below what feels hard to let go of. You won't be left unheard.